by Maeva Wunn
A big hug, a warm turtleneck, a hot cup of coffee…
Do those things make you smile or cringe? Is a hug just a hug or is it something else? Does the tight circle of fabric around your neck give you comfort or panic? Is that cup of coffee hot enough to burn or strong enough to wake you for a fight?
Free Association Why does a kitchen towel become a gag a guitar string a garrote a cracked glass a thousand knives a quilt a shroud a curtain to drown out the noise a lightswitch to hide the crime a doorknob another way in a lock meant for picking a house a home
Perception is unique to every individual, and all our relationships with reality are different. As a fan of horror, I find myself drawn to things that make my skin crawl or my stomach clench. I know that my eyes see the world through a distorting lens that would fit right into a giallo film. For me, creating and consuming horror brings the rest of the world more in line with what I experience and helps me to process things in a healthier way.
Picture Making I wield the scissors, cutting images of fake memory to comfort me, snipping life details, trimming landscapes to reveal the shadows in a snowy field, the darkness in a waterfall, shaping things to fit the frames I’ve made over the years, filling them one by one with safe things that only hint at the life and times behind them.
Reconstruction As you waste away, joints failing, muscle and bone losing cohesion, let your memory lose mortar and glue, let the blocks fall into a more pleasing pile, and I’ll rebuild your little home with stories that would make you proud— never mind my name or that you forgot your own, the year, the city, the president are trivial— with a snap of my fingers you’ll awake— a new you made in my image.
I know most people don’t share that experience. A dark window is just a window, a hammer is a carpentry tool, a stranger on the street is just someone in the middle of their own story. So, what’s the benefit of consuming this media if you’re not inclined to the darker things in life? The answer is growth. Empathy is in short supply, and always has been really, so taking a look through someone else’s eyes can give you understanding that your personal experiences can’t. Reading a poem or watching a film that makes you question things can open up new lines of thought, make you question long held beliefs, maybe even change the way you live your life.
Sacrifice in the Big City Folded alone into the corner curve of the couch, television spraying colored light on the ceiling and walls in the evening gloom, in the background ghost voices drift in from next door and feet padding on carpet up above remind me of the sounds I miss, the space next to me an empty ache reserved for the ideal, not the real. The wicker man is free tonight, capering through the darkened streets, legs creaking as they jig, arms right angles open toward the sky, as the steel downtown twists into the form of a burning man, broken and crumbling in a mad rush toward disintegration, carrying blood sacrifices to meet their gods while their screams feed the people left alive, bringing the city back to life and staving off ruin for another year or two until the blood runs out and the horror is washed away and we sink back into the pit of apathy. The face is right but the eyes are wrong, the deep electrical puzzle falling into place in a new pattern, erasing the memories and the looks that used to fit on that face, failing me for the last time before I give up and walk away.
Most humans gravitate toward things that make them feel safe. Comfort zones are just that – metaphorical places we can let down our guard and rest. They’re vital for our wellbeing. But it’s also vital to leave them now and again. Use the muscles before they atrophy. Let the discomfort lead to strength.
Last Wish of the Dissociated I don't know how to relate - you slice your hand I pull out a rib you stare and stammer I burn to ash. Let me turn to powder and sift with wind unjudged unburdened at last.
About the Author
Maeva Wunn is a bisexual, non-binary, neurodivergent poet, crafter, history buff, and music enthusiast living with chronic illnesses. They have been writing poetry since childhood. They spent most of their life in Atlanta, Georgia and moved to the Midwest after meeting their spouse. They currently reside in Iowa with their spouse and cats.
Find them and their work on Chill Subs, in the anthology Reel Dark, in All My Relations, Vol. 5, and publications by Lupercalia Press, the winnow, Trouble Maker Fire Starter, The Bitchin’ Kitsch, The Hellebore, en*gendered, Masque and Spectacle, and others. They were nominated for Best of the Net 2022 by Spoonie Press for their poem “Digging.”
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